You may have noticed that I’ve been quiet.
Some of that was intentional. I’ve been traveling since the end of July, staying out of the heat in France, following family stories through England, wandering through old churches and cemeteries in search of ancestors and, as it turns out, a few dead ends. But something else happened while I was away.
The Barefoot Blogger website was hacked.
It’s been repaired. The technical details aren’t particularly interesting, and I’m not sure I understand most of them anyway. What surprised me was how much it affected me. I felt fragile. Perhaps that sounds like an odd reaction to a website being hacked. Websites can be repaired. Files can be restored. Problems can be fixed. But the Barefoot Blogger isn’t simply a website to me.
There’s a real person behind it.
Barefoot Blogger. I’ve carried that name for more than a decade.
It came with me when I abruptly changed my life in the US and moved to France. It has been there through travels and discoveries, new friends and old ones, falls and broken bones, hospital and rehabilitation stays, two heart surgeries, and all the other unexpected things that have a way of changing the direction of a life without asking permission.
Living in France at 80
At 60 or even 70, perhaps I would have regarded the hack as one more aggravation to overcome. At 80, it felt different. This year, when I turned 80, I promised myself—and my family—that I would try to make some decisions about how I want to spend whatever time I have left. That’s not meant to sound gloomy. I’m not gloomy. I’m curious. But I’m also realistic. And lately I’ve been asking myself questions I once found very easy to avoid.
One of those questions is where I want to spend the rest of my life. France has become home, and I’m now fairly certain this is where I will stay.
That decision took on a different meaning recently when France passed a new law establishing, under specific circumstances, a right to assisted dying. After years of national debate, the timing caught my attention. Not because of the politics, but because it made a very personal question suddenly feel real: What does it mean to decide that this is where I will end my days?
Choosing France comes with a price. My family is in America. My grandchildren are growing up there, and an ocean separates us most of the time. I miss being part of their everyday lives. That’s the hardest part of accepting that the country I’ve chosen as home isn’t where most of the people I love live.
And if France really is home, I need to face something else. After all these years, I still haven’t mastered the language. I wonder constantly how I managed to be so stubborn about that. Perhaps finally learning French properly is part of accepting that I’m not going anywhere.
So here I am.
An 80-year-old American who has chosen France as home, who still isn’t fluent in French, whose family is thousands of miles away, and who is increasingly aware that there aren’t unlimited chapters ahead.
A fish out of water — although I should add, a very happy and comfortable fish most of the time.
Life, Family and the Barefoot Blogger
I’ve been thinking a lot about what happens to her now. I don’t have an answer, but I do know that I can’t stop writing, expressing myself, exploring, and being curious. Those things are simply part of who I am.
What I’m less certain about is how all of that fits into the Barefoot Blogger now that I’m 80.
I don’t feel a need to reinvent myself, and I certainly don’t intend to turn the Barefoot Blogger into a blog about getting old. But getting older is now part of the story. So is France. So is family.
And so is figuring out what I still want to do next.
Do I keep writing about the places I discover? About maintaining a life on two continents? About France after more than a decade of living here, rather than France through the eyes of someone who has just arrived?
Probably all of those things.
What Comes Next?
Maybe I don’t need to decide what comes next just yet.
The Barefoot Blogger has changed as my life has changed, and perhaps that’s exactly what it is supposed to do.
The hack reminded me of something I already knew. Websites can disappear. Life can change in an instant. Things happen without asking permission, and I’ve certainly had enough experience with that.
But I’m still here. I’m still writing. And I’m definitely not finished being curious.
I hope you’ll still be here, too.
One More Thing
There was a bit of serendipity in all of this. On the Eurostar from France to London, I sat beside a young American man who works in cybersecurity for a company in Maryland. We started talking and became fast friends—the sort of chance encounter that makes traveling so interesting.
When the Barefoot Blogger was hacked, I remembered this new friend and reached out to him. Without hesitation, he stepped in and spent part of a weekend working with my webmaster to help sort out the problems.
I’m enormously grateful to both of them for the time, patience, and expertise they gave to getting the Barefoot Blogger back on its “bare feet.”
But there’s something else about the experience I don’t want to forget. You never know who you’ll meet along the way, or how that person might unexpectedly enter your life again.
Be curious. And be kind.
44 Responses
Love you Debbie….you continue to forever inspire me! ❤️ Mar
Love you! Wish you would visit me in France someday soon. Big hugs!
Through all the years I have known you Deb, you have remained true to the curious, inquisitive and warm person that you are. I expect no less of you as you enter this new decade of living life to the fullest. While our life may become less full and adaptations become necessary for enjoyment, each day brings a new gift to enjoy. Much love to you.
Thank you, Arlene. One of the best moments of my life has been spent with you. You never really know someone until you share an important goal and depend on each other to achieve it. I miss you. But I know we each are doing what we think is best for ourselves. Time will tell. I would love for you to visit. Any time! Big hugs and love always.
Deborah
I have found that you don’t need to be fluent in French but you do need to be “fluid”. Have no fear and just let it flow out naturally. The French vocabulary will appear miraculously but the grammar will definitely suck.
Alex
Fear is exactly the problem. I definitely let it bother more than I should. Just get on with it! Thanks for your encouragement…
Love your “fluid” in French reframe! Merci!
LOLO
I’m delighted always to read your words! Relieved to hear that all is well. And, as someone who has frequently entertained dreams of moving back to France, I gulp your stories, your adventures, your qualms and quandaries. And I look forward to reading as many of these stories–whatever direction they take you–for as long as you keep writing. I hope we catch up in person some day! (And, I’d love to be one of your Teachers, to help you acquire the language instead of learn it. I taught French for many years!)
many blessings,
paula.
Oh Paula, I wish I could take you up on your offer. Come on over and let’s get started! Thank you so much for your kind words. Sometimes I think I share too much… but you are reassuring me it’s ok. I’d love to hear more from you about what interests you. I probably have a story or more that I haven’t written yet. Bests to you!
So good to hear from you Deborah! I had been wondering if things were alright with you and your little dog. Always love to hear about your intrepid exploring and would like to know more about your travels in the UK as well, as I would also like to chase some family history there.
Stay curious!
Hi Maria, great to hear from you, too. Unfortunately, Fanny went over the Rainbow Bridge a couple of years ago. I miss her so much. But now I’ve found that pet-sitting might be a good avenue for me. It’s getting hard to think of traveling with a pet — regardless how small. You really should find time to visit your family’s history, especially if it takes you to fun places. The trip was quite a last minute lark… but so worth it. I can’t wait to tell you the stories. Stay in touch!
I am moved to say that no matter how much time passes by, you have made enough friends to know that we will always want to hear your latest thoughts and opinions. Your curiosity will always make your posts a fascinating read for your many, many readers. As Winston Churchill said; ‘K.B.O’. (-Keep Bu**ering On.)
All the very best,
Simon
First of all… where are you!? I hope I haven’t missed your visit to Uzès. Although it was almost too hot to be here this summer. So happy to hear from you… always. Thank you for your encouragement. We all need it at times. I hope all is good with you. You’re always welcomed here.
Oh no 😟Barefoot Blogger getting hacked must have been terrible. The website is a treasure. I’m glad you are back in operation.
You’re so kind, Carolyn. And you’ve been on this journey with me almost from the beginning. Thank you for your support and your friendship. Hope to see you sometime soon.
Be curious. And be kind. Great words of wisdom Deborah. We are constantly challenged to learn new dance steps.
My 90 year old friend Steve (who is a co-owner in Quarante, France) just wrote me to say he is spending two months there- by himself! A brave delightful man.
Dear Barefoot Blogger,
Amazing! I was wondering about you yesterday, and then your post popped up this morning to fill me in! Thank you for keeping it real: sharing your concerns, conundrums and questions along with the joys of choosing to live in France at 80. I lived in six countries and eight states before I was 21, and your insights into life outside of the States makes me curious about doing the same in retirement.
In fact, your blog inspired my husband and me to plan an 8-day stay in Uzès in early October. We’re calling it our “make our own art residency!” I’d love to connect if you’re in town, and to get your advice beforehand about where/how I might lead a free art-making activity in the community while we’re there. À toute à l’heure! Katt
Hi Katt, I’m so happy you’ll be in Uzès in October. It’s going to be cooler — I hope — and a beautiful time of year to visit. Please do look me up when you’re here. A lot of friends are on their way here then… what a party! Looking forward to meeting you. And thank you for following along on my journey.
Deborah, I am happy you sorted out your blog which has become a valuable resource for me, from wine tasting with Nick, to the walk and hike in the valley de l’eure as a coupleofexamples. We’re moving over from California to Uzes with 2 little dogs (hint) and would love to meet you in person when we visit next month while meeting with our realtor.
Happy 80th from your travellikg friend from Australia….
..You are so right about staying CURIOUS….Spot on…!! Its the only true way…..See you next year…(yes ..more french travels for me…)..Im staying curious and planning another long odyssey over in your ‘new’ home!! Jennifer
Jennifer, that’s such good news! I loved our visits together in Uzès and on the road in France. You are amazing … and prove that curiousity is the best way to achieve whatever you want in the world. Keep in touch about your plans, please, and thanks for touching base.
You’re back on track after one of life’s hiccups. These come they go.
France offers a wonderful health system and a respect and kindness for older members of the community.
To stay? Or to go? You have made the right decision. Friends will offer you companionship, support, joy and new ideas. Our families with their oh so busy lives in this modern world offer us love and FaceTime. We allow them to develop their lives as we did ours and remove the responsibility of care from their shoulders.
80 won’t last Debbie 81 is already on the horizon 🤣just embrace each year and enjoy.
One day at a time tomorrow will take care of itself I believe.
♥️Helen
This has been one of your best postings. Most, while they may be chewing on the same musings, do not talk about life as the age in an adopted country. My wife and I plan on moving to France in the spring. I will be 77 and she not far behind. After asking ourselves ‘ are we nuts ‘ it then becomes ‘why not.’ We are not all rainbows and unicorns- but the questions will many that you’ve shared. Thank you
Sandra, I love “we are not all rainbows and unicorns!” That says a lot. It also says a lot that you’re planning a move to France in your late 70’s. It’s not the easiest thing you’ve ever done, but it can be one of the best things. Please stay in touch and let me know 1) if you’re nearby; 2) how I can help. Best wishes and thanks for your wonderful message.
A fabulous post … truly. Keep on keeping on, Deb. I’ve got your back! xo
I hope you keep on writing! If the digital devils strike again, at least you can write for yourself in an old-fashioned paper journal. Though I do love reading about your experiences and hope it never happens again!
Jules, you are such an inspiration to me, too. Your wonderful writing and books inspired my visit to UK this summer. I can’t wait for us to have a chance to visit and talk about it all. Enjoy your tours this year.. and watch for Betheas!
Loved your tour with Patricia Sands in 2023!
Hi Marty! I do miss those ladies’ tours. Every one of them was a treasure. We called them “Memories Tours.” There’s no doubt we all walked away with memories to keep. Thanks so much for following my next chapter. Let me know next time you’re nearby in France.
I wondered where you were! What a great piece of writing and I so admire you!! I’m rapidly approaching 70 & unlike any other the other milestones. It feels like the end of something but I’m not sure what & then I read this blog & realise, maybe, just maybe there’s more to come. I admire your attitude tremendously and wish you continued love and luck. Liz Hb
Oh…70! I remember that was quite a milestone. Here’s ten years later, 70 seems more than 10 years away. Hope that you’ll make the very most of what life has to offer you in the next ten years… and beyond! Please let’s keep in touch to see what’s next…
Wonderful post, Deborah. Thanks!
I’m heading back to France in a couple weeks, this time with a couple sisters-in-law. where I’m revisiting the Cote d’Azur and Provence. getting excited!
Beautifully written as always, my friend.You are where you were meant to be and doing what you were meant to do. Who knew that when were back school together, that when we were in our 80s, we would have have the same philosophy of life…looking at life with the curious eyes of a young child and with all things kindness matters! It has brought us many adventures and we’ve collected many memories. I treasure the ones we’ve made in France together. Keep on exploring and sharing. ❤️
Beautifully written as always, my friend.You are where you were meant to be and doing what you were meant to do. Who knew that when were back school together, that when we were in our 80s, we would have have the same philosophy of life…looking at life with the curious eyes of a young child and with all things kindness matters! It has brought us many adventures and we’ve collected many memories. I treasure the ones we’ve made in France together. Keep on exploring and sharing. ❤️
Hi Debbie, I clicked on the link in Facebook and found so much inspiration here, in today’s story. Your blog is beautiful and the serendipitous encounter on the train really touched my heart. So glad your site is recovered and going strong. Bonne rentrée!
Kristin, thank you so much for your note. I love following your inspiring story, too. Hope to meet you someday!
WE ARE ONLY HERE 2 YEARS, BUT FEEL THE SAME AS YOU, MEANING THAT WE ARE GOING TO STAY HERE. WE ARE STILL GETTING RID OF OUR OLD LIVES, BUT SOON THAT WILL END.IT IS TRULY WONDERFUL BEING IN A PLACE THAT IS SO TRUE TO THE WAY WE WANT TO FEEL ABOUT OUR LIVES AND COMMUNITY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INSIGHTS REGARDING THE STEPS IT TAKES TO GET FREE.
Love reading the Barefoot Blogger always. I live vicariously through you, Deborah. You are living the life I wish I had moved towards years ago. Traveling is the best education there is and staying curious keeps us young. Thank you for sharing all your travels and feelings. I just turned 78 on Sept. 1, 2026, and still dream of living in France. Please keep writing.
Thank you, Marsha. I love hearing from you, too. One of the unfortunate parts of living away from family and old friends is that we no longer see each other — although some do come to visit. You should! I re-think my choices all the time, but it seems that affirmation continues to come that I am in the right place for now. I never say “never,” however. Life is too precarious to second-guess. Enjoy your holiday weekend!
First, sad to hear about your hacking problem but glad to hear you resolved it. And two, definitely get what you say about the problems of staying in contact with family when you live abroad — an issue that becomes more important as you age. My wife and I are in the same place conceptually — enjoying our lives in Portugal but feeling too distant from family back in the States. We keep straddling the two options but realise we can’t do that forever.
Dear Deborah,
This past summer, my husband and I (both in your age bracket) decided that Uzes, sight unseen except from what I’ve been reading in your blog, would be the perfect place to spend a few weeks living a French life. We loved it, and plan to try this French life again next summer, for a longer period of time. But questions abound: How long should we stay? How would we occupy our time? I will say that Uzes is a super friendly town, and we look forward to assimilating into it properly though, we too, barely speak a passable French. But, then, who cares?!
“Who Cares?” says it all, JoAnne. At our age, we need to focus on pleasing ourselves first. And… I’m learning that if you’re happy with your life, those around you are more willing to accept your choices. As for how long to stay? that’s a problem now with the summer heat. I had to escape the south of France in August. Plus, it’s holiday time for the French and lots of Europe. Not a good time to travel if you have choices. What to do? I could write a book! or maybe I have in these pages. There are so many places to go and things to do within just a few hours of Uzès. It doesn’t help that there’s no train station, but Nimes and Avignon are closeby. One friend spent 2 months here traveling by bus! So it can be done. I’d love to hear from you when you’re in town again. We can always work on our French!