The life changes no one plans for—and what they can mean when home is an ocean away.
When you plan to retire in France, you have many things to consider. Visas. Healthcare. Where to live. How much it will cost. Whether you can learn the language. You worry about getting the paperwork right and choosing a town you will love. What you cannot plan for is what happens after you arrive.
I moved to France more than a decade ago, believing I was beginning a grand adventure. I was, but I had no idea that some of the hardest decisions about living here would have nothing to do with France. They would be about family, health, distance, and the moments when life suddenly asks whether you can continue living so far from the people you love.
When the grandchildren arrived
My sons were grown when I moved to France, and I knew I would miss them. What I didn’t comprehend was what it would feel like when grandchildren came along.
Nothing replaces being nearby. You can’t drop in after school, take them for ice cream on a whim, or become part of the rhythm of their life. You can visit. They can visit you. FaceTime is a gift, and I am grateful for it. But it is not the same as being there.
At the same time, I wanted them to know this part of who I am. I wanted them to see France through my eyes: where I lived, climb the fifty-five steps to my apartment, wander through Uzès, hear French spoken around them, and understand that curiosity never has a time limit. And that a grandmother’s love has no geographic boundaries.
Those are the choices you make when you live away from family. You don’t love your family less because you live abroad. If anything, distance makes the love more conscious. But retiring in France means accepting that you will miss some things, including things you would dearly like to see.
Before you move, think beyond the first visit home. Make room in your budget, your calendar, and your heart for regular travel in both directions. And talk honestly with your family about what being far away may mean.
When someone you love becomes ill
There are moments no family plans for.
My daughter-in-law became seriously ill. I went back to the States and stayed for six months, helping care for my eighteen-month-old and three-year-old grandchildren. At a time like that, distance does not feel romantic or adventurous. It feels like an ocean—and then, suddenly, like something you must cross.
I could leave France, and I did. But it meant stepping away from the life I was beginning to build here, making decisions for my apartment, and accepting that both of my worlds needed me at once.
This is not an argument against moving abroad. Family crises happen whether you live in France or around the corner. But anyone considering retiring in France should understand that life can call you home for far longer than a quick visit.
We tend to prepare for the administrative side of a move and neglect the human side. Yet the human side is what will test you. Keep an emergency travel fund. Keep your passport current. Think about who could look after your home if you had to leave tomorrow—and whether you could be away for weeks, or even months. More importantly, do not imagine that a life abroad frees you from your old life. The people you love remain part of every decision.
When your own health changes
The third important question is what happens when your own body changes the terms of the arrangement.
I have fallen and broken my hip, arm, and shoulder while living in France. I have spent time in hospitals and rehabilitation. I have had two heart surgeries. Those experiences changed how I think about independence and the practical realities of living in old buildings and on uneven sidewalks.
France has provided me with excellent medical care, and I’m deeply grateful for it. But good healthcare is only one part of the picture. When you are ill or injured, you need people. Someone to check on you. Someone who has a key. Someone who can explain something in French or pick up a prescription. Someone who will notice if you disappear for a few days.
That kind of support takes time to build. It comes from neighbors, friends, doctors, pharmacists, and the familiar people in the places you return to week after week. It does not appear simply because you have a French address.
If you are retiring in France, think honestly about your future self. Consider stairs, transport, access to medical care, and the sort of community you need around you. A beautiful isolated village may be perfect at sixty-five and much less perfect later on. That is not pessimism. It is planning for the life you hope to keep.
The question you must keep asking
There have been times when I wondered whether I could stay in France. Not because I stopped loving it, but because life kept presenting reasons to leave.
For me, the answer has changed over the years, but it has always returned to the same place: France is home now. Not an escape from my family in America, not a permanent holiday, but the place where I have built a life. Retiring in France is not simply about choosing a better view or a slower pace. It is choosing a life that will keep changing, sometimes in ways you cannot predict.
The question is not whether you can plan for everything. You cannot. The question is whether you can build a life strong enough to hold you when the unplanned things arrive.
Your Guide Through the Process: French Footsteps
If you are thinking of retiring in France, I would like to invite you to subscribe to French Footsteps—a newsletter that is more than a collection of stories; it’s also a resource for practical advice drawn from the experiences of those who have been down this path before you. Share it with family and friends, too.
Here’s what you can expect:
Personal Stories from Real People: Hear from fellow Americans about their experiences moving to France. These first-hand accounts will provide insights into the realities of expat life, from finding housing and integrating into the community to dealing with unexpected challenges.
Recommendations for Trusted Service Providers: While this isn’t a one-stop shop for all your expat needs, we will offer suggestions for a few service providers who have proven helpful to others, no matter where in France you plan to relocate.
Learning from Mistakes: Not every expat story has a happy ending, and French Footsteps will share those stories, too. Understanding what went wrong for others can help you avoid similar pitfalls and prepare you for the challenges you might face.
